How to ask to be spanked in your relationship

A reader wrote this to me privately recently:

Hi Red: I'm a regular reader of your blog, but I haven't yet disclosed my level of interest to my wife. Thought about it for a long time, but still waiting for the right time. Nevertheless, I'm sure I'm one of many that consider you somewhat of a legend in the F/M spanking scene, and consequently, I want to ask you for your opinion. If you don't find time to respond, it is Ok because I'm sure you receive many similar questions. I'm on a conference call the other day, while working from home, and I hear a little "ahh" from the next room. I listened for a couple of seconds, and realized the vacuuming continued to happen, banging against the wall. So, I knew that whatever happened was not some injury requiring my attention. However, later my wife walked by asking if I heard her make a noise. When I answered yes, she became very angry with me because I did not come running. Two days have passed, and she is still mad at me. She is feeling unimportant and hurt because I did not come to her rescue to make sure she was OK. I'm annoyed at her, because this "needing to be rescued and coddled" has happened numerous times now. While I think it is silly and immature, I find my spanking side wondering if this is a chance to suggest that future situations where she feels I have let her down, be met with spankings. On one hand, I think the notion of always being the victim and making me out to be the bad guy that isn't there for her is ludicrous, but on the other hand, I wonder if I should just suck it up and try and make something positive out of it.
This is where I wonder if you have some advice. You use spankings to solve problems, but do you use them to solve problems of this sort where you might think that you are right and she is wrong? Its funny, but I feel that regardless of who is right and who is wrong, if a spanking is involved, maybe I won't care so much.

Anyway, great blog, and if you have any advice, it is much appreciated.
Thanks, MC.

Well MC, maybe it is time to re-visit this topic, briefly.
I have no idea of how long you are married, how liberated or rigid your relationship is, and what other factors exist in your lives. All of these might change the answer.

Recommendation One: purchase the "Please spank me" booklet from the http://www.auntkaysdwc.com/   IT will give you a little more confidence, before discussing with your wife.

Recommendation Two: Make certain that there are no problems to speak about for a while, so that the harmonious nature of your marriage is in a good phase. Every relationship has ups and downs, so don't broach the topic when other difficulties are present. Be open and honest with your wife, and bring the elephant out of the closet, and talk about your desires. Go slowly, and give her lots of time to think about it.

Recommendation Three: If she does not categorically dismiss the idea as childish and totally crazy, ask if she wold like to look at the DWC website. Remember to keep stressing that you do NOT want to be treated as a child, that she is NOT replacing your mother, but simply your partner, who may use spankings to create a more harmonious situation whenever she feels it is necessary. It allows her to be in charge, and when upset, have a way to deal with your transgressions.

Recommendation Four: When reading the DWC website, state that much of what is written is excellent, whereas other parts are "too over the top". Give her the power to decide how she might like to start implementing spanking in your relationship. I would also STRONGLY recommend buying the lifestyle kit.

Almost Lastly: Whether you think it trivial or serious, if she thinks you should be spanked for something she thinks is important, you must give up the right to say no! But the lifestyle kit, gives a well thought out plan of how to initiate spakings in your relationship...

Lastly: please start at my blog at the beginning, and skim to find out how spanking has developed between Cindy and I.

DEFINITELY MY LAST THOUGHT FOR NOW!! Nothing you read on this blog, or the DWC website will fit your exact situation. Also, some of what you read may be too extreme, whereas some which you read may be too mild! I find some of the people that wrote in Real People, or who signed the guest book at the Dwc website to be too extreme for our view of DWC. We also do not agree with any drawing of blood. Your partner may not by nature wish to cause pain. The idea of a dwc relationship is something that grows over time, as the improvements in your living together in love blossoms even fuller with spankings.

good luck
bottoms up


Anonymous said...

Susan, not all women wish to spank, if you have not brought the subject up, bring it up, sort of, in bed. If you really want to be spanked, your manhood will let her know, lord knows it get you males in enough trouble, make it work for you. Shawn looked long and hard to find such a woman, in his case my Mother fulfilled his desire first, and he has not forgotten. So good luck, but don't be surprise she is not into giving you a spanking.

Anonymous said...

That was a good question I'm sure many starting out with spanking involved in their lives. Your answer was fantastic. It's so hard to know what their sex lives is like. Do they have any "kinks" involved, does she ever take charge in their love making? Have they ever role played? Is their marriage at this point completely vanilla? Without knowing much you gave an great answer.

Anonymous said...

Marge, my wonderful husband is about ten years younger, second marriage for both. It was maybe a little over a year in the marriage when he mentioned spankings. Asking why, well he felt he needed them, his first marriage failed, wanted an older woman to be his wife. We talked about it, and I said only under my rules, he quickly agreed. His first spanking had him second guessing, but I reminded him of the agreement. I have found I enjoy spanking him, he has improved. Spankings are mostly done private, the bedroom, always bare bottom, sometimes naked, always facing the wall. He acts just like a little boy when being spanked. Vacations no matter where, if he needs a spanking, it is then and there.
So please be careful what you ask for. My husband will attest that a bare bottom after a sound spanking is different from when you are wishing for it. My hand and paddle brings that point across very well.

Dan said...

For me it took 2 years to convince my wife to spank me. I printed everything I could find on line from sites like DWC and Femdom sites. For 2 years she never looked at any of the things I printed for her to read. One day we had an argument just before I left to go out of town on a business trip. I was gone for 4 days and during that time she must have read the information because when I arrived home I was no sooner in the door when she said we need to talk. She told me how upset she was with me then said I was going to be spanked. I thought great. She put me over her knee and used a hair brush and it hurt bad. I apologized for what I did and she said there will be some rules in the house.

As time went on spankings have really evolved and I get spanked for just about everything and later I found myself getting spanked in front of her mother and sister and it's embarrassing crying in front of them but I learned to take my spankings like a man.

I don't cry so much from the pain anymore although the pain is horrible but many times I start crying before she even spanks me because while being lectured I realize how I disappointed her and it make me start crying knowing she is disappointed with me.

Njspank said...

Took me forever but finally wrote her a letter.

Suggestion read Sex with Shakespeare by Jillian Keenan. It is inspiring to all who want to ask to be spanked.
Ron .

Anonymous said...

In my experience, spanking started as a two-way game in which "he" and "she" playfully traded places. After a while (and for reasons that need not be explained) it gradually turned into a predominantly F/M arrangement - which suited both of us - (and a few of _her_ friends knew about it!). One of them was the woman I married after my first wife passed away -and, for her, it was taken for granted that I should be spanked, whipped or caned as she saw fit (with little, if any, reciprocation)


Anonymous said...

I do indeed chastise you "as I see fit" - which means "for a reason"... and it's not my fault if the "reasons" are many!


Red said...
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